And here’s a typical blog opener from me - I know. It’s been a while since I’ve written anything. I won’t make excuses. It just hasn’t been a priority, though I’ve thought about doing it for some time. Just haven’t gotten around to it. So here it goes.
The job has been ok. I was working in a different department for over 3 months. That was a nice break, a nice change. Getting treated like a 7 year old instead of a 4 year old makes a big difference. Hours were long, but I had some decent breaks, so I managed to get my workouts and studying Chinese in during a lot of them. Originally, I had just read during my breaks and would end up falling asleep. I soon learned to utilize my time more wisely. All my co-workers usually just slept. I’ll sleep when I’m dead.
About a week and a half ago or so, I reluctantly talked to my original department heads since technically it was time for me to return. I had intentionally gone over my required time away just because I was trying to avoid going back. However, I got sick of it. The long hours, dealing with another form of idiots and stupidity, and just the gig overall. It was time for a change. Going back to what I was doing before is still a change from any current circumstances. Not the most ideal change, but what can you do? Hoping this is my month that I’ll finally get a REAL position in another field.
The hours are now longer than they used to be and most days me and my fellow co-workers are kept there just to be kept there. It’s one big power struggle and spitting contest with no rhyme or reason. That’s probably what bothers me the most – the lack of logic. People see this in me. I’ve been told numerous times, which makes it all the more frustrating, that I’m too smart for this or don’t need this. And you know what? Arrogance aside, I agree with them. I’ve got to choke that down on a daily basis and just deal with it.
However, recently, I’ve decided to maintain a new mindset and attitude. I can sum up that mentality in a few words, ‘I don’t care’. It’s hard to uphold at times and don’t misunderstand me. I care, just not in some ways. For example, they want to keep me there for stupidity? Go ahead. Whatever. Want to assign me stupid, worthless, mundane tasks? Go ahead. Whatever. Want to force me to work under a completely and utterly useless regime of morons? That’s fine too. And do you know why? In the end, I’m going to win. I’m going to get out of this department. I’m going to do well and thrive in whatever environment you place me in. I’m going to succeed. I’m going to move on to bigger and better things when all is said and done. I’m going to constantly and consistently work towards improving myself in various ways. So you can force me down or do your best to do so. It’s only going to work so long. I try to keep just a better, happier attitude. And trust me, I’m forced to swallow so much BS on a regular basis. It’s enough to make anyone full. All in good time. All in good time.
A little while back, you may have seen a picture I posted. I was at Ocean Beach with some friends in an attempt to go check out some sea caves on a kayak adventure. Well, the first problem with that is – winter swell. The waves tend to be much better on the West Coast year round. In the winter, however, they’re massive. I had known this going in, and yet it all still seemed like a good idea to me. After all, I was the person who came up with the idea to go kayaking in the first place. Following that stroke of brilliance, it was just a matter of rallying others to my cause.
Out of the four of us, only two, including myself, had even been kayaking before. I was the only person that had been ocean kayaking before. Off to a great start. Nonetheless, I felt confident. At least in my own capabilities. I figured the rest could just follow along and learn as they went.
Well, we packed up foods and snacks for the trip. I had zip lock bags for phones and my camera and any other electronics that might accompany us. Why? I don’t know. In hindsight, bringing electronics of any sort once we saw what the conditions were like was completely moronic.
Upon arrival, one kid was freaking out at the size of the waves. Having been out there often with my little brother, I still wasn’t bothered by this. I remained calm and shot down any talk of deviance. With a little guidance and a little luck, we found the shop we were looking for and proceeded to rent out two kayaks. The option to ride single wasn’t available and this was the only game in town.
Immediately following the transaction, a deep and foreboding fog set in. This only created more hysteria. I continued to exude confidence, even excitement. We picked up the boats, and made our way down to launch off the beach, right by the pier. It was gray and eerie, but that only heightened my own personal enthusiasm. It was like something out of a movie. You couldn’t even see half way down the pier looking out at the ocean. There was virtually no one in the water, aside from a lonely surfer here and there, which couldn’t even been seen from shore.
A couple of lifeguards spotted our kayaks and drove up to us in their vehicle. To sum it up, they recommended that we not go out and that should something happen, they would not be able to do anything for us. I remained unmoved. To their warnings, I nonchalantly replied, “We can swim.” After that, they left us to fate.
More dissension. I took charge and persuaded everyone to stay the course and convinced them we’d be fine. Although, I confess, I had very little confidence in the second kayak. The two of them chose to remain together, but both possessed zero experience and one had openly admitted his own fear of the ocean.
For whatever reason, we all kept our phones on us and utilized the zip lock bags. We kept our food and drinks with us as well. I was the only one even in a bathing suit. Getting out was a challenge all on its own.
With low tide, we had to carry the kayaks and carefully tread over hazardous rocks. One wrong step could have easily caused an injury. With waves continuously crashing in, my partner and I formulated a plan to slip in between some rocks down a natural canal-like passage. We timed it so that the water was fairly flat and assisted in pulling us out. We instructed the others to watch us and do as we did.
Well, we paddled straight out over the waves and hit them head on. That’s the best way to do it. The only way to do it. We were soaked within minutes, but pressed on. The two of us enjoyed it. I felt alive. People watched from the shore as we continued on our perilous journey. Others peered from the top of the pier in horror, pointing and joining others in the spectacle. We kept going. I was in the back and I’ll tell you, that was the better position to be in. My buddy was getting dropped in the front. We were racing out to beat as many waves that we could from crashing down before we reached them. This resulted in the boat slamming down in the front after falling down from the back side peak of the waves.
We hadn’t finished getting out entirely, but we reached what I’ll refer to as a safe zone. We were fairly far out there and in between the breaking of waves. Problem was, we couldn’t see the other guys at all and began to worry about them. My partner was more worried than I was, so I asked if him if he thought we should turn around and go check on them. He agreed that we should.
Now, I saw that the wave had already broke. All that remained was whitewash rushing towards us. If caught sideways, we were done for. I decided to go for it and started to paddle alone. My buddy realized shortly later that we were going for it and joined in the fight. It was too late. We weren’t fast enough. The wave caught us and carelessly flipped us over. Fortunately, we had life vests on. There was no way we were going to make it to the boat, but I grabbed the paddles and my buddy grabbed our gear. He swam in with it one handed while I struggled towards shore with the two paddles. It took a while, but we eventually made it in.
The other group had capsized twice and had barely gotten out at all. They were dealing with their own issues when they finally glimpsed the two of us fighting to get out. Initially, the one kid was struck with fear upon seeing our kayak come floating in upside down, the passengers nowhere to be seen.
When it was all said and done, everyone was pretty banged up and we all had our own cuts and bruises – battle wounds. One phone was lost to sea. One survived. Two had to be placed in rice, including my own. Mine was essentially the only one that didn’t make it. I was fortunate enough to get it replaced a few days later with no charge. The one that was lost to sea turned up about a week later. The mother of that guy had called the phone and a homeless man had answered it. Kind of comical. That man and the owner of the phone eventually met up and he got his phone back. Amazing.
Using my powers of persuasion and argumentative abilities, I even managed to get us our money back on the kayak rentals. Believe it or not, that all took place within about 15-20 minutes so we were barely out there. Had I been more prepared, wetsuit and all, I would have stayed out there because the majority of us ultimately decided it was pretty awesome.
Now recently, I had a sort of epiphany. Prior to present day, I’ve never really felt like I’ve had any passions in my life. Interests? I’ve got more than I can keep track of. But passions, I’ve been without. This simple fact is why I’ve made many of the decisions in my life and in a sense is how I ended up where I am.
I was walking back the other night from my daily escape habitat – one of the recreational spots where I can snag Wi-Fi. I don’t remember what led me to this thought, but suddenly, I realized that I finally had passion in my life. I almost came to tears because I was so thankful at this discovery. My life now feels like it has a little more meaning and purpose.
I’ve learned that studying Chinese and becoming fluent is no longer just a hobby or something that I feel like I should do. It’s in fact, a passion of mine. I thoroughly enjoy it. It’s actually on the verge of obsession. What else can I say? I’m passionate about it. It’s my primary goal. If I could spend my days just studying Chinese, I would. I get lax at times, but that’s just a natural motivational struggle. I continue to study every day and I feel like something is missing should I happen to miss it even for a single day.
I’ve also concluded that photography has become another passion of mine. It’s become a bigger and bigger part of my life, especially with my recent upgrade and dealing with interchangeable lenses and all that jazz. I’m not always as inspired as I am on some days, but I’m always looking and thinking about what can make an interesting shot and where to shoot next. It’s just something that’s on my mind.
I’ve decided that my love for animals and nature as a whole is yet another passion of mine. I constantly yearn to be outside and around nature - away from all the buildings and people and cars and city life. I want to be in the fresh, open air. I want to be free. I want to help protect animals from all the evils and corruption of human beings. I have no idea if I will be given that opportunity or what will happen in regards to doing such.
I think it’s going to be very interesting to see how these different passions of mine develop and come together in the future, and to see how I use them. Or maybe how they use me.
Until next time.
-Jeff
