Rough Seas Behind Me

Ah. Singapore, Singapore. Not a land for the poor.

Well, it’s November 7th. I’m back on the ship, back at out at sea. Port visits are or are nearly done. We’re on the home stretch, though I feel like it might get a little harder before it gets easier.

We finish handling the lines, the excitement is over, and I’m left feeling mixed emotions. Standing out, looking over the water, embarking on another part of our journey, there’s a bitter sweetness and a sadness to it all. Behind the exterior, though, there’s a gratefulness. Even a happiness, though brief and fleeting it may be. Naturally, I’m not excited to be back on board, not even remotely. Quite the opposite, actually.

Pulling out of a port, watching the land fade into the distance, all of the stress and anxiety suddenly reappears. Old, familiar aches and pains that would otherwise go unnoticed, unwittingly return. My back is sore, and I’m tired. It’s disturbingly disheartening.

Despite the stupidity, which I’ll briefly discuss, port calls make the trip worthwhile. Being able to visit other countries, even with the limitations and curfews and countless other rules and regulations, is incredible. I’d like to be able to say I would give up those port calls and foreign country experiences if I was able to travel back and never join. Problem is, I’m not so sure I would.

To name a few of those rules, if we’re going to consume alcohol, groups must be a minimum of 3 people and a maximum of 5 people, with one person sort of acting as the baby-sitter, the non-drinker. If you’re rank is below E-4, no overnight liberty is granted. We have a curfew of 10:00PM. Allow me to remind you that even Cindarella with the evil step-mother was granted a midnight curfew. Now, I understand this permission was not given by the evil-stepmother, but nonetheless. E-4’s are only given overnight if they are considered by their departments an ‘exceptional sailor’. So you’re telling me that children of the ages 18, 19, 20 have demonstrated leadership abilities and proven their right to stay overnight just based on rank. This is just one of the reasons I hate my job.

I’m about to be 28, but I have a 10:00PM curfew. Ridiculous. I’ve known this, but it never ceases to amaze me. Rank trumps all. Age is never a consideration. It’s bullshit. Baby me some more, please.

As I previously stated, though, despite all the bogus rules and ridiculousness I’m forced to deal with, I still manage to enjoy myself when I finally escape this floating, steel prison. Going ashore is a breath of fresh air. It renews my spirits, and makes me grateful for the experience. I’m so thankful for the opportunities I’ve been presented with, the travelling I’ve done. Much of it has been cancelled or secured, but even so, I make the most of each port call.

Singapore was beautiful, I found it to be fairly amazing. Crazy, expensive, but beautiful. There’s just a richness to the city that can be seen everywhere. Not hard to believe once you see what typical prices are. It’s also a big tease. It’s very Chinese-esque with a majority of its citizens being Chinese, but in the end, it’s not China.

Studying Chinese has worn on me at times, and even become a chore at various intervals, but I’ve still stuck with it for the most part. I have found myself questioning it, though. I’ve questioned whether I should even continue, if it’s worth it, if I want to go back, etc. etc. Singapore has renewed my desires, though. I came to realize that my heart is still in China. I think I just had a minor setback with not an unusual sense of doubt, and maybe even fear. I suspect it’s not uncommon. Regardless of what I may actually desire, I know I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be. I know I’m doing exactly what I’m supposed to be doing. And I know that above all else, with 100% certainty, that I must continue my Chinese endeavors and get past the slump I’ve been in. I think, for the most part, that I am.

Maybe deployment was just wearing on me. Maybe I just lost sight of my goals for a short while due to my own unhappiness and being a victim of circumstance. Those feelings of uncertainty were few and far in between, but there was an underlying growing sense of doubt. It was like a weed gone unchecked in a garden. If left alone, that weed would only continue to grow. It was nothing more than poison in my mind. Singapore was my remedy. Singapore cleansed my mind, and relieved me of any disbelief.

While there, I visited Chinatown on more than one occasion, I was able to talk to locals using Mandarin, see familiar sights, smell familiar scents, and taste familiar flavors all from a time in my not so distant past. It felt right. I felt alive. I’m more sure than ever that my future lies somehow and someway with China. Singapore was exactly what I needed. There was a serenity and peacefulness that came with these observations and overall acknowledgement. Something I’ve not felt in a while.

11/16

It’s painful being intelligent at times, and even more so when you’re constantly told this. Do you know why? Oh, I’ll tell you why. Because. That’s why. No, I’m kidding. It’s painful because you constantly have to be reminded of all the stupidity and bullshit, more so I think than someone who maybe isn’t as smart. Maybe ignorance truly is bliss. I’m not claiming to be some genius, but I’m smart enough to realize when I’m swallowing bullshit. Being smart is both a gift and a curse. I’m so heated and angry right now. All of it is just so frustrating. Makes me wonder why I have been chosen to deal with this. I don’t know how I haven’t cracked yet. I’ve had some moments, but somehow I’ve managed for the most part to stay sane. I’m on the brink, though. I really am. It’s madness! It’s not Sparta, but it is madness. Every time I finally come to terms and accept the harsh reality that is my every day situation, they manage to throw something else on or take something else away or just make it worse in some way, shape, or form. Every single time. I really fricken hate it. Why? Let me go. Just let me be. There will be no arguments or fight from my end. I’m ready. Let me be free. Let me go and venture out and spread my wings. I’ve had enough. I really have. Who am I to question it? No one. Yet, I still do. Oh, to be human. It does have its drawbacks, doesn’t it? “You’re a smart guy, but ultimately it doesn’t matter, and I don’t really give a shit.” Might as well just say that to me because that is what you’re really saying. Let’s be honest with each other. Intelligence and logic has no place in the Navy. That is why it’s commonplace to hear something along the lines of, “Don’t question Navy logic.” What a joke.

Alright. I’ve got that out of the way. I’ve vented a bit and put it on paper. I’d much rather being saying this to my chain of command. Hell, I’d like to post stories in the New York Times so that all can see how the military actually runs. I’ve often asked people, “What do you think your families would think if they saw your bosses or how things truly ran here?” The replies are never positive.

Let’s get back to Singapore. Singapore was awesome in my opinion. If I repeat myself, well, just deal with it. Oh, how I miss China. Singapore confirmed that, if ever there was any doubt. Day 1 was spent mostly wandering around. We had a map in hand, but there was no real decision determined on what we would be doing that way. We had good food and drink, so I can’t complain too much. Granted, we definitely pushed the envelope on curfew time that first night.

To give you a brief synopsis on that, there is a bus that picks you up a semi-short distance from the ship. From there, the bus drives you to a check-point on the base where Singapore military check you and your bags. From there, personnel are directed to another bus which drives you to a train stop. The train goes all over the city, and once you get the hang of navigation, it’s fairly easy to use. I had an easier time than most due to my city life familiarization of the past.

So, we stayed a bit too late in Chinatown, I suppose. Eh, what are you gonna do? Things happen. We made it, but we got real close and real lucky. We tried to get a taxi, which would have driven us directly to the checkpoint, but were denied because I guess taxi drivers were trying to stay in a more populated area. We only asked once, and then said screw it. Jumped back on the train, and took our chances there.

Well, we had to sprint from the train station stop to the bus waiting outside, which we barely made. We had to sprint from that first bus to the checkpoint, and from the checkpoint to the other bus. From there, we had no choice but to sprint yet again from that bus drop-off point to the ship. We signed back in with 3 minutes to spare. Yeah, we cut it pretty darn close. But hey, we made it, right? That’s all that matters in the end. It was pretty scary leading up to, but we weren’t the only ones. There was a whole busload of people with us, so it was going to be the whole bus headed for trouble, not just us. That was somewhat reassuring.

What a relief, though. We have enough restrictions and ridiculous rules. Stupid mistakes like that can only cause more problems and lead to more absurdities.

The next day, I had another group that I took off with. Different people have different duty days or different friends become available, so you can’t always go out with the same people. Sometimes, you just don’t want to anyways. Personally, I’d rather go by myself or with just one other person that had the same interests as me. Unfortunately, if you’re going to drink, we are required to have a 3-5 person rule. It’s a joke. It’s all a big joke. Just lock me up and throw away the key.

I had an idea of what I wanted to do on this second day of liberty, and we set out fairly early. We were off the ship by like 7:45 AM, I think. Not bad. Early bird gets the worm. Nah, more like early bird gets more time during the day. Being a bit of a photog, I was interested in seeing the aquarium and a few different gardens.

After taking the train down a ways and getting some breakfast, which took a while, we headed off to the Gardens by the Bay. Overall, I thought it was really neat. It’s the kind of place I could spend hours in taking photos and wandering alone. Again, don’t really have that luxury, but it’s the thought that counts.

We had been wandering around there for a decent amount of time, though it was obvious the whole group wasn’t feeling it as much as I was. I was the only one willing to pay $5.00 to walk around on the top of these structures referred to as the ‘supertrees’. When will I have the opportunity to do such a thing again? Of course I’m going up. We came to a close of the outside exhibits, and got up to something I was really looking forward to seeing. There are two large domes at this garden called The Cloud Forest Dome and the Flower Dome.

As suspected, I was really the only person interested in paying the $30.00 to go in and see both of these exhibits. I was hesitant myself, due to the lack of interest everyone else was showing. I also didn’t want to be ‘that guy,’ you know, holding everyone else up. Problem is, a lot of people are just interested in drinking. That’s all well and good, but I like to get out there and see the sights and do the things I want to first. Food and drink come later, in the evening, when I’ve done all that I want to do.

In the end, I decided I was going to get into those structures. Everyone else agreed they would just go in the bar and hang out for a bit while I walked around. I had promised to not to take too long. Truth be told, I wish I had taken more time. I could have stayed in those exhibits for hours.

The Flower Dome was amazing. You would think it would be hot, like a huge greenhouse. Quite the opposite. It was actually very cool and comfortable. Soft forest sounds played through speakers throughout the dome. There was so much oxygen. I swear, I felt lighter on my feed. I could breathe better, I felt better. It was incredible. It was like all my aches and pains just floated off of and left me feeling perfectly at peace. I slowly closed my eyes and inhaled large quantities of the fresh air. I felt great.

Inside, there were flowers and plants from different environments all over the world. I would have liked to take my time and have gotten some better pictures, but it is what it is. At least I got in there.

The Cloud Forest Dome was also very cool. I didn’t like it as much, and got through it even faster, but still pretty amazing. For starters, there was a huge waterfall that greeted you as soon as you entered the place. That in itself was fairly incredible. Inside was more greenery and walkways, even a floor dedicated to different types of crystals. I really didn’t spend too much time here, though. I just tried to get through as quickly as possible so as not to keep the group waiting too long. I think I got through both of them in about 30 minutes or so, just snapping pictures here and there, without dedicating too much time to one area. Still, I’m happy to say I’ve been inside of them. One more notch on the ol’ belt.

Now, the aquarium was a subject of some debate. There was still plenty of daylight to burn, but again, there was only two out of four of us really interested in going to the aquarium. Money is constantly an issue for people. No surprise there. I really think I’m one of the only people that know how to save their money and spend wisely. I wish it was just a matter of people prioritizing their money differently, but it’s really not. You have to remember, a lot of these guys are quite young. Financial smarts is as foreign to them as some of these countries are to me. Most of these guys are learning the hard way. Well, fortunately, I’ve already had that experience.

Ultimately, I went with my one buddy. As the two of us neared our destination and got off at the train stop, we realized it was going to be even more complicated getting to the aquarium. Our interest was somewhat fading. We were going to have to take a taxi in order to get there. Bah. Well, with our waning desire, I decided to flip a coin for it.

We called it before hand and proceeded to play out the coin flip. First flip was aquarium. We still weren’t decided on it. So, we decided best out of three would take the cake. Flipped it again, and low and behold, the side designated for aquarium showed its face again. Okay, three in a row hands down, we’ll go. Third flip came and sure enough, the aquarium won again. I am so glad it did. We grabbed a taxi, more like a black taxi (a person that uses their car as a taxi from time to time to make some extra cash), and headed to our destination.

That aquarium was sick. It was really awesome. I’m so happy to be able to say I went there. It’s got the largest viewing panel in the world. Looking back, how can you not go? For one, despite my hate for zoos, I love aquariums. There’s just something really fascinating about them. I’ve never even been that into fish, unlike my two brothers, but I do truly enjoy aquariums. Perhaps my taste has changed over the years. I don’t know, and I don’t care. Secondly, as one of the world’s largest aquariums, how can you not go? That’s like visiting Greece and not seeing the Coliseum. Out of your damn mind.

Some of the individual tanks in this place were huge. It was crazy. Again, I could have spent all day in there. We gave ourselves a decent amount of time, and ultimately ended up being late to our predetermined regrouping, but I could have used more time. I was still pretty pleased with the whole experience. If you ever get the chance, go. I’m telling you. I have some pictures, but they don’t do this place justice. It’s something you have to see to truly appreciate. That’s my opinion, at least. What do I know?

Just don’t waste your $2.00 on the movie that you have the option to add. They should have paid me $10.00 for that 15 minutes of my time. It was only $2.00, so whatever, but it was pretty dumb. I thought I was going to be watching like some underwater cinematography. Negative. It was this stupid story about Chinese sailors losing this talisman and everyone gets wiped on the ship except for the son. They try to turn it into this Imax-like experience, but I thought it was lame. Oh well.

To finish off the night, we met up with our other buddies. They weren’t too excited about our delay, but things happen. We sent a message through facebook when we were finally able to connect to some wifi, but since doing so is fairly difficult, they didn’t receive our message until after they had been waiting a bit. Sorry boys.

With just a little over an hour remaining, we got some food, had some beers, and smoked some cigars I had picked up in Okinawa. Go figure, we had found ourselves in Chinatown again. Whatever, would have liked a change of scenery, but can’t say I hated it.

I’m going to divert a little. Recounting what I’ve done and attempting to describe it and convey the emotions of the experience and all that can be challenging sometimes, even boring. Not to mention, I don’t feel like I’ve done anything really noteworthy, or worth writing about for a while. Singapore, maybe. Sasebo, not so much. It’s the 5th of December over here. I’ve had some trouble finishing this blog, and I’ve wanted to so that I was able to publish it in Hawaii.

Now, however, it seems I might not have that opportunity. All has changed, or is at least on the verge of change. With my own diversion of topic, comes our ship’s course diversion. We were suddenly turned around, headed back to Sasebo. The reason? A ‘super typhoon’ is headed for the Philippines. I’ve found myself flooded with emotions.

I was attempting to study some Chinese and make use of my time, but my head is spinning and I feel like I just have to put it on paper. What am I supposed to think? How am I supposed to feel when my chain of command has someone going around to find out who has flights and/or hotel reservations? Should I be happy about this? Grateful? My heart is more bent towards anger and frustration and a deep, resonating sadness. We were so close. We were two weeks away from getting back into San Diego and putting this deployment, and shortly after this ship, behind us. So close, yet so far.

In other words, our new mission is to be ready for humanitarian efforts. Why did I sign up for this? I asked for this. I felt like it was something I was supposed to do. I wanted to be part of something bigger. Isn’t this exactly what I was looking for? I’ve looked into and somewhat attempted to be part of relief efforts in the past. But now?

I’ve been out for 6 months. Christmas is around the corner. I want to see my family. I want off of this ship. I’m done. I’ve been on the brink of sanity since I joined. Now I’m forced to face maybe one of the biggest challenges yet. I’ve had to make sacrifices before, but this is almost too much for me. I already lose touch with my family and friends on a daily basis. Now I’m being asked to cancel my plans and be ready to help the Philippines. And there’s nothing I can do. I can’t say no. I don’t have the luxury of choice.

Unless somehow this storm passes or manages to not do as much damage is predicted, then everything will change. Everyone, not just myself, will be forced to change the plans they’ve made. I understand perfectly that others have it worse than myself. People have wives and husbands and children. People have family that have made plans around their availability. Do I sound completely selfish? I know I’m being so. And part of me just doesn’t care. Don’t I deserve it? Don’t I deserve some time to myself, some time to get away and see my family that I love and miss? Haven’t I earned it? Haven’t we all?

I know. Completely and utterly selfish. I’m conflicted with different emotions. I realize I signed up for this and that this is exactly what this ship is supposed to do. That doesn’t change my personal feelings and the hopeless despair I’m currently suffering. We were so close. So fricken close. Another 2 or 3 days and we wouldn’t have even had to turn around. I’m praying this storm diverts its own course or

somehow just doesn’t hit that hard. No, not just for my sake. Maybe that’s hard to believe after I just went off on my own hardships. But in all honestly, of course I don’t want anyone to be affected by this. I also pray that somehow we get turned around because someone else was able to help. Selfish again. I KNOW. How can I not be? We were so close.

I’m a grown man, now 28 years of age, and I’ve fought off tears a few times today. It’s just…..we were so close. I hate this ship. I despise my job. And I was so close.

I’ll do what I must. It’s really not up to me anyways, is it? How the rest of these people do it, I’ll never know. How anyone can get through this without God, I’ll never know. I could not. Even more, I have to remember in my own plight of self-centeredness and selfish desires, there are people on this ship that have families and friends of their own living in the Philippines. So, I’m sure they are grateful for the chance to be able to ensure the safety of their people, ready to give aid where necessary.

Oh, the human heart….how treacherous and cruel you can be.

Ah. Typing this out has helped me immensely. I’m thankful for my ability to write, and for writing itself. It’s like my own personal psychologist.

I’m going be skipping around here for a bit, and writing what comes to mind first or whatever. Just stick with me here.

So I made a comment on a post the other day about how storms ‘revive me’. I’m going to elaborate on that. I happen to love storms. I’m not talking about the aftermath of destruction and devastation. Just the storms themselves. They do revive me. They bring my senses to life and wake me up. I feel alive when I’m in or around almost any kind of storm – rough seas, winds, rain storms, snow storms, thunder and lightning, etc. Those are the kinds of things I’m talking about. I don’t know. I find them exciting.

I wouldn’t say that they awaken a dark side of me, just an underlying part of me. Deep down. I almost feel liberated. Perhaps it’s like the essence of freedom, an acknowledgement of the freedom of the elements. I hardly know what I’m saying or what I’m trying to convey here. It’s a difficult feeling to describe. What I do know is that I’m almost happy during those times and more often than not, a faint smile will creep across my lips. I like to close my eyes, inhale a deep breath, and take it in all in. It’s refreshing.

And now, ladies and gentleman, I figured I’d discuss this dream I had the other night. It’s less frequent these days that I remember my dreams, and if I do, they’re usually not this vivid. This one, however, I remember quite well. I usually go through phases in regards to remembering dreams or not.

So, from what I remember, I was at some kind of a party. The night had passed by, and I found myself suddenly awoken, sleeping on the balcony of some kind of a hotel. I was so startled, that I actually fell off of the balcony. Below me was a huge, natural pool. As I was falling through the air, despite the immensity of the fall, I had felt like I had made the jump before, so the fall itself didn’t really frighten me. Nevertheless, I found myself screaming, not too loud, ‘Ohhhh, shiiiittttttt.’

With a splash, I landed somewhat gracefully in this natural pool. I call it a ‘natural’ pool because it was like a pool, but it wasn’t. There were tons of fish throughout. The fish were an oddity in themselves. The way they were acting was even more strange. These fish were clustered closely in small schools and kind of just floating, without much movement. I even grabbed a few of them, and I remember their scaly touch.

Before long, I realize there’s a pretty girl swimming alongside me. I had recognized her from the company party. Blonde. She said to me, “You’re Jeff, right?” I responded with a, “Yeah, how do you know that?” She told me something along the lines of, I recognized you from the party. I don’t remember exactly how, but she had a logical explanation that wasn’t quite touching upon creeper status. She was able to answer all of my questions with the same reasonable logic. It made sense.

In regards to the fish, this girl explained to me they were feeding. I touched a bit more on the subject, but eventually dropped it.

Next thing I know, we’re in her car, and she’s driving me back. Here’s where things get really weird. She had been attractive, but her face suddenly twisted and contorted into an ugly, almost alien looking thing. She told me she had recently had surgery and sometimes her face got stuck like that. I had to be careful with all of my actions and words now. I wasn’t trying to get murdered here. Ha.

I also noticed a part of her body. I’m not sure if I actually caught it changing for a second or I just realized that she had had surgery there as well, and caught a glimpse of what it was before. Regardless, I was fairly freaked out. I tried to just stare forward.

So, we turn down this narrow alleyway, barely big enough for the car, and we come face to face with this old man on his bicycle. It turns into a Mexican standoff. This freak driving the vehicle I’m in sticks her head out and yells at the guy. The old man screams something back, calling her something along the lines of an ugly man. Yikes. He then peddles his bike forward and forces our car backwards. Not bad, old man, not bad.

With the fishing pole in his hand, he rigs it up somehow either catching the car, or catching this ‘woman’ herself with the hook. In my own panic, I detach the hook, deciding that helping her was the better option. When I let it go, it caught on the mirror of the car. We’re driving off, and I see the old man getting arrested by the police. With pole in hand and our car racing off in the opposite direction, the old man comes flying forward through the air following behind our vehicle. Then I woke up. Weird huh?

Alright. It’s time to close this. Officially. I apologize for getting it out so late. Truth be told I forgot about it, then considered not putting it out at all since it’s a little after the fact. Ultimately, I decided I would share it anyways, just to share some experiences and give you a glimpse of all the feelings I went through during this underway.

I’m a better man, now, in a better place. The storm diverted course, and settled down to just a tropical storm if you missed the news. We returned back only 6 days late. Phew. Dodged that bullet. All of us. AND, I picked up a job as an MC – basically photography and journalism, two weeks before returning. Right up my alley, huh? I was and am still so grateful for that. What a relief.

I may not enjoy the system as a whole, but this is going to make my time here a lot more enjoyable. Thanks for reading.

Land Ho!

Japan. I wish I could enjoy it a little more. Being stuck on this ship is killing me. Every day I’m here, I die a little more. I’m being a little dramatic, but it’s partially true. It’s harder and harder to maintain my drive. Free time is so limited that I sometimes lose the motivation to study. I’ve been keeping up with it pretty well, but there are times when I just don’t have it in me. I hate this place. Nay, I loathe it. Bottom line. It’s such a terrible emotion to give into, but I feel somewhat defeated. Am I really? No. But I feel like I am.

I haven’t written in a while because I just don’t have the time to do so. I haven’t even finished going through the 607 photos I had so far, just from Guam and one Japanese port. I gained a little bit of life back during my days off in Sasebo, Japan. I felt alive. My spirit was revived. I was so thankful and appreciative to be there. People had complained that there was nothing to do there. Wrong. Maybe if you’re just looking for strippers and clubs. Then I could see that. Fortunately, neither are my thing. I found plenty to do and I’m irritated that I was unable to do it all and now I probably won’t be afforded that opportunity thanks to the morons I work with. LOVE IT.

It was nice to finally be adventuring again. There’s a lot I want to write about, so bear with me. I’ll try not to drag on too much, and hopefully it flows somewhat.

The first night I was there I went out with a few guys, got some great food and drink, and just explored the nearby area without venturing out too far. I didn’t have too much time because Japan is highly restrictive, but it was nice to be out. I try my best to make the best of each port visit. A couple of us ate at one of those hole in the wall restaurants, maybe slightly bigger, and enjoyed a nice meal. That meal was of course accompanied with some sake. I wouldn’t have had it any other way. Nothing too much, just enough. When in Japan, do as the Japanese do. We later went to another place and I got some sushi as recommended by another group of friends we ran into. They made it right in front of us and served it with some green tea. It was all awesome.

My brain is on very few hours of sleep due to work of course, so I’m having a hard time thinking and keeping my thoughts flowing. I’ll come back to this later.

And…we’re back. 9/7/14. I also ate at this pretty cool, traditional sit down restaurant. When I say sit down, I mean you actually sat on the floor either in a sitting or kneeling position. Personally, I don’t recommend knees. There, I ate all kinds of little things – different types of kebabs and things of that nature. My favorite was this pork wrapped in a fried egg, more like an omelet. Fricken delicious.

I'll come back to that scene later.

The next day was dedicated entirely to wandering. I set out with a group of buddies and we couldn’t really figure out where to go or what to do. Because of this dilemma, we allowed the little green man on the traffic lights to guide us. That’s right, are you familiar with this little green man? Well, it’s different depending on where you are, but he notifies pedestrians when it’s safe to walk. There was way too many crosswalks and different routes to take, so we simply allowed this little green man to guide us. We didn’t press any buttons. Whichever light he showed up on first, that’s the path we followed. Sometimes this meant crossing back to the other side of the street. Seemed logical enough.

Anyways, it worked out. We had a pretty great day in my opinion. When this game got boring, we set up shop in this outside mall for a short while, jumped on the, actually fast (for once), Wi-Fi and looked into different options. Sasebo is somewhat limited at first glance, but there are definitely some cool places to go with a little research. I didn’t have enough time to go to all the places I wanted to, but sh*t happens.

After spending a little time there, I discovered a few temples that weren’t too far out of our reach. So, we set off. Directions got hazy without the Wi-Fi connection. We walked for quite a while, and still hadn’t found the place. Ended up discovering this martial arts school, though. Some old man with spoke some broken English with us and invited us in. We politely declined, but did manage to get directions from him to the temple we were looking for. That guy was the man, but his directions were way off. They just led us into some residential back road.

Well, we pushed on. A little while later, we stopped at this little grocery store and picked up some ice cream and drinks. I gotta say, the Asians know their ice cream. They do things that Americans only dream of. I don’t know who’s in charge of it all, but they seem to be way ahead of the curve.

While eating our frozen snacks, I was looking for people that might speak some English. I tried one, but if she knew any, she denied it. Ok, I wasn’t going to ask everyone and their mothers about directions. Had to be a little smarter about this. Hmm. Who was the most likely candidate to speak English? Well, the stereotypes held true. I spotted this middle-aged man that looked somewhat intelligent and went with my gut.

After approaching him, turns out, I was right. He spoke English. Now, the difficult part was giving us directions to this temple. It wasn’t far, but he was having trouble explaining, and I was having trouble understanding. He called his wife over, and they exchanged some words. After which, the man asked me how many people I was with. There were 4 of us total, so this stranger actually offered to simply give us a ride. Can you believe it? I was fairly shocked. I’m pretty sure the Japanese are known for their generosity, but this was beyond anything I had expected. I mean, what if we were serial murderers? And we outnumbered him 4-1. The guy was out of his mind, and I was truly appreciative of it.

The four of us piled into his little fuel-efficient car, like the majority of cars that I’ve seen in Japan, and took off. We reached our destination in just a few short minutes. What a guy! I thanked him multiple times, and I didn’t believe that he was going to accept, and didn’t want to offend him, but nonetheless offered him money. He kindly refused and that was that. Lesson learned.

There wasn’t much in the temple, but it was still cool. We caught glimpses of one or two people once or twice inside, but they soon vanished entirely. It was all kind of strange. In a sense, it seemed like a house on the one side. We were just left to come and go as we please. I guess they weren’t worried about it. We even got a little bold and crept into the back. You are required to take your shoes off, so stealthy creeping was made easier for us.

There, we discovered countless little vases and small bowls and things – all ashes of the dead. That’s right. Maybe I shouldn’t have, but I even equipped the flash gear on my camera, and went back for more. I had to get some shots of the back. Totally acceptable, right? It’s like I always say, sometimes you need to play that role that we are so blessed with as the ignorant American. If it can be used to our advantage, so be it. I certainly don’t mean abuse that role. But maybe, like in this situation, you’re unsure if you are able to enter an area, well, sometimes you just need to go for it and deal with the apologies later. That’s my occasional method anyways.

From there, we were trying to find another temple. Most of my time in Sasebo and Nagasaki, as a matter of fact, was spent wandering from temple to temple. The group and I ended up coming across some other place. No idea what it was. It had a large traditional gate, so it seemed somewhat accessible. Again, we wandered in the back which may or may not have been acceptable. I don’t even know what the place was so I’m not sure I can be held accountable for trespassing. Well, I probably could have been. It seemed public, though. The back had this awesome little garden. It wasn’t the largest of the famed Japanese gardens, but the owners did a really nice job. It was just pleasant and picturesque, despite its smaller size.

Upon further inspection, our group discovered a massive cemetery on the other side of the building. We made our way over there, and wandered amongst, yep, more dead. It was intriguing, almost like stepping back into another time period. Looking at some of these stones, it made you wonder where the deceased had originated. I’m inclined to believe they were obviously of some sort of importance. It was a fairly large site with many large stones of grandeur. There were also numerous routes to get up top, at various points.

We meandered up to the top and ended up in a wooded area. So, we inadvertently got some hiking in. The only thing we found up there was a small field. Going down provided to be a bit more of a challenge. I mean, we avoided some spiders while walking up through the woods. Upon going down, however, our eyes were opened up. These spiders were at every turn, hanging from every branch, blocking our path in every direction. I don’t know how we avoided them coming up.

Well, eventually our small band of spider evaders successfully descended without incident. The sun had already begun its own descent. The group decided to head back to get cleaned up and change our clothes for a night on the town. I personally had a blast.

We started off in this awesome little sit down restaurant, near a mall called the Ginza. When I say sit down, I mean we actually had to sit on the floor. True Japanese style. It was different, and I enjoyed it. The act of actually finding a suitable restaurant took quite a while. When you’re with a group, well, you need to find something appealing to all involved, or at least the majority. This can be a challenge at times. Eventually, though, we all agreed on a place. I’m not known for being the most decisive, but in situations like this, I tend to take charge.

One of my buddies and I indulged in a beer and puffed on our stogies after eating. The cigars weren’t overly expensive, but I was impressed with their smoothness nonetheless. The whole scene was just very relaxing. I was at ease and all my troubles and worries rolled away as I slipped into the beckoning trance of smoke and alcohol.

The food was also delicious. This specific place was more keen on skewers than actual meals. I made sure to eat my fill. After all, these port excursions are essentially a form of vacation, though brief they may be. Fortunately, money is not one of my troubles these days. By no means am I wealthy or anything near the term, but I’m doing fine. Financial intellect is one of my strong points. Spending a couple years paying off a large sum of money will do that to a young man. I’m thankful for that.

In addition, I had been setting aside money every single month specifically for when my job required traveling. I have no financial obligations, so I can afford to spend a little bit of money. It’s not like I’m going out and going full moron, anyways. Food and drink, though? No problem. I will eat out every chance I have. Screw this ship. And its garbage food. I’ve cooked better meals on my own. Hard to believe, I know, but it’s sadly true.

Furthermore, if an opportunity comes about that requires spending some cash, guess what? I’m going to spend the money almost every single time, unless it’s absolutely ridiculous. I may never be in some of these foreign countries again, so you better believe I’m going to take advantage of that.

Ah, and let me tell you, purchasing this tablet was a stroke of genius. Pure genius, I tell you. Modest, right? Well, I’m serious. I had purchased the tablet prior to, with the intention of utilizing it in ports. I have a laptop as well, but that’s not something I want to be lugging around. Problems arise when I want to jump on Wi-Fi, and I have no laptop in hand. I have a phone capable of a lot of the same things, but for one, I’m not a real phone dependent kind of guy. Secondly, I don’t own one of those phone-tablet hybrids. You know what I’m talking about, and some of you may own them. I think they’re ridiculous. I’m pretty sure I could use some of them as a shield, or maybe some kind of sun protective instrument. That’s where the tablet comes in. I wanted something smaller, but just as capable as the larger ones. After trial and research, I landed on the Google Nexus 7. DISCLAIMER: THIS IS NOT AN ADVERTISEMENT. I DO NOT WORK FOR GOOGLE. Only in my dreams.

It’s just a great device, perfect size. Everything I need is right there. Thousands upon thousands of apps. It’s light, doesn’t take up too much room, and does everything I need it to do and more. Perfect if I have some down time or need to kill some time while I’m out. And that’s just the casual side of it. I won’t even get into the real useful benefits.

Thing is, (Warning, I’m going to sound a little cocky here.) I’m just so much more prepared for this than the majority of the people I work with. I suppose that my age definitely comes into play there, but just all around. I work with some of the dumbest people, and I wish I was exaggerating. I suppose then, that this should come as no surprise. There’s no possible way that I’m as smart as I’m made out to be. I swear. I really just think everyone else (for the most part) is just that dumb.

From what I’ve seen thus far, I love Japan. Being pro-China, I had my reservations about visiting Japan It wasn’t something I was too excited about. Then again, neither was China. After just a few days experiencing Japan, however, in a town that people were not too excited about, I was so appreciative and thankful to be in Japan. They just seem so much more civilized and advanced and efficient in every aspect. From their fuel efficient vehicles, which I previously mentioned, to their toilets with music and all kinds of other functions – they are clearly a more forward-thinking culture. They are respectful and polite. From what I’ve seen thus far, they’re not loud or rude, and even have rules against such things. I just find their civilization to be very unique. I noticed that they pay attention to everything, even designs in something as simple as a guard rail. Their attention to detail is astounding. I also find them to be very peaceful and tranquil. History would say otherwise, but I’m at peace when I’m ashore and exploring. It’s just amazing, in my opinion. I wouldn’t mind being stationed here at all. There’s so much to see, and oh, the photography? Forget about it. Opportunities abound everywhere. My travels here have been brief, so I don’t know how true these observations would hold if given more time in this strange place.

Those moments of happiness have been few and far in between. When they occur, everything else is forgotten. I even say to myself, ‘I can deal with this. It was all worth it for this.’ Those insights are soon forgotten the minute I set foot back on this hideous ship, and I’m right back to being utterly miserable. I find myself wondering if I’ve ever really been truly happy, for more than just those fleeting, sporadic time periods. I have yet to arrive at a place in my life that will be more permanent. I suppose I have to accept that perhaps that will never happen. Who knows. Things always appear to be just temporary. It is entirely possible, though, that they are all leading up to something more stable. Time will tell.

Back to some actual things I did. I did make my way over to Nagasaki by train. It was about $26 roundtrip. I did not, however, see any of the bomb sites or museums. I kind of regret that. However, I was with someone that was going on a tour the next day that was going to visit those very things. I could have ignored that, but I took them into consideration. Once again, we run into the issues of being forced to travel with others. It’s not entirely on your own time. You have to consider what others want to do, and figuring that out consumes enough time in itself. Where I may want to stay and take photos or whatever, others are ready to move on. And vice versa. Traveling together has its advantages, as well as its disadvantages. Ultimately, I just try to find people that have similar interests as my own. Still difficult, but there’s only so much you can do. I do miss my solo-dolo traveling of the past, but sometimes it’s nice to have some company.

In Nagasaki, we pretty much just wandered around and found many different temples. Neat, but I was templed out by the end of the day. We decided to visit a Chinatown that the map I possessed, boasted to be one of the best in Japan. Well, that’s not saying much then. It was garbage. Literally. It was all the junk that you can find in China, set up in a small area. It wasn’t even like Chinatowns in the U.S. I guess that’s what we get for going to a Chinatown in Japan. There weren’t even any Chinese people. What a joke. Chinatown my ass.

The train ride back from Nagasaki was a little shorter of a ride. It took about 2 hours to get there, and about an hour and a half to get back. Totally worth it, but again, there were some things I wish I could have seen. I’m not huge on museums so might have skipped those, but still. It’s cool, though. Wandering is always fun. Scratch that word always.

During the train ride to and from, I had my buddy lifting the window here and there so that I could capture I few shots. I attempted a rush shot on the way back, and I’d say I almost got the picture I wanted. I had to put on an adapter and change the lens, so it wasn’t the easiest of tasks. I also held off for a minute or two before I decided to go for it. Hesitation, that heartless wench will get you every time.

Due to a recent incident, we’ve been confined to the base on our most recent port calls. It sucks. They just keep taking, taking, and taking. And I’m slowly breaking, breaking, and breaking. I’ve almost felt like I’ve hit my breaking point on several occasions, yet something has kept me going. I know I’m close to getting assigned elsewhere, though it’s entirely possible and likely that I’ll stay in San Diego. I’m hoping otherwise. If I stayed on the West coast, I wouldn’t mind Washington. Other than that, send me back to the East coast or send me overseas. Or let me out. Just let me go free. No hard feelings, you know? Come on.

Warning: Thinking aloud occurring on paper = happening. I have to constantly remind myself that there may be a greater good and this may all lead to something. I’ve always felt like I was going to be part of something bigger one day, that my life will have a little more meaning. Maybe I’ve undervalued the journey. Then again, who am I kidding? I’m currently a glorified janitor, relishing the thought of inevitable escape. If at all there appears an opportunity for me to get out sooner than later, I will absolutely take full advantage of that.

What are the possible lessons I could learn here? How to work for idiots? Funny thing. One of my buddies recently purchased – scratch that. Two of my buddies recently purchased a book entitled ‘How to Work For an Idiot’. Oh man, that’s at the top of my list for upcoming purchases. I could go on and on about the potential lessons that I could be learning, but who fricken knows. Honestly.

There’s still a few places on the horizon that I’m looking forward to visiting. Hopefully we’ll have full access to them and I can remove myself from this floating, concrete prison, if only for a short while.

I hope you enjoyed this blog post. It’s brimming with positivity and blissful happiness, so I have no doubt you did.

Life on the High Seas

Maturity sucks. I feel like I’ve definitely stated this in the past. I’m sure I have. Wouldn’t it be so much easier to just be completely oblivious and blind to the truths? Wouldn’t we be so much happier to maintain our childish mentalities and ways of the past? Imagine always seeing the world through the eyes of a child. Ah, ignorance is bliss.

I set out on the latest of my adventures less than a week ago. Deployment. Already, though, I feel like I’ve grown in some ways. It’s the little things. I can’t stand my department as you know if you’ve talked to me at all in the past year. I have a strong hatred for my job and almost all parts of it. The people and their selfishness and stupidity nearly drive me to the brink of insanity. And yet, despite of it all, being out on the water, with no escape for extended periods of time, I sometimes manage to find some happiness.

It’s the little things. It’s staring out at the open water feeling the wind on your face. It’s catching a nice sunset. It’s managing to escape the stupidity for an additional 5 minutes. It’s those small victories you win over the morons running the show. Things like that. They make all the difference.

With my current job, once a day at various times that vary from the early hours of the morning to the middle of the night on, I rotate through 6 different stations for 5 hours. Sounds pretty terrible, right? I certainly don’t find it too appealing. Once you get used to it, though, you can learn to appreciate it at times. Those times almost never include the wee hours of the morning.

For example, I get out of the ship. I get to be outside. I have the opportunity to feel fresh air and see some of the marvels of the oceans and see countries and cities from a distance as we make our way towards them. Other jobs spend the majority of their time inside, cooped up, eyes fixed on a computer screen. Honestly, while I strive to obtain some of those jobs, others would bore me out of my mind.

Another example of why I’m able to be somewhat grateful for the bottom of the barrel position I have, is that I know what it’s like to be on the bottom. I know what it’s like to be stuck, unable to progress. I know what it’s like to work hard. I know what not to do as a boss or a person of authority. Lastly, I feel like I get the true experience of being in this branch. Others work their little cushiony jobs without ever experiencing anything but easy. While that can be nice, it doesn’t offer a lot of opportunity for character building and personal growth. If you’re never faced with conflict, then you certainly won’t know how to handle such when you eventually are. If you don’t have to deal with pain and suffering, then how can you know how others in those positions truly feel? (That last part sounds a little dramatic, I know, but there’s been plenty of pain that I’ve deal with here, I promise. Mentally and physically.) And without such, how you can ever truly appreciate the happiness and joy? You won’t.

Many of these points are things that I’ve experienced before and perhaps even known, but those points have only been driven in more and allowed me to grow even more. So for those reasons and more, I’m thankful to have been placed in what I view as one of the worst positions in this gig.

I’m even beginning to look forward to some of the countries and places I’m going to visit and be able to experience. I’m looking forward to all the pictures I can take and sharing the experiences with others. I’m not looking forward to carrying around my camera so much, but nonetheless, it’ll be worth it and I’ll make it work. I know I’m going to have some good times and make some good memories that I will carry around with me for the rest of my life.

Hope has been restored in my life. My resolve has strengthened. Everything happens for a reason, and I know that I’m where I need to be and I’ll be where I need to be. All in good time.

I normally keep my blogs fairly secular, but I wanted to share this reading.

We need to ask Him to help us see the early warning signs, and then we need to learn to give our worries and cares to Him and trust Him to do the work through us, in His way and in His time. “Don’t worry about anything. Instead, pray about everything; tell God your needs, and don’t forget to thank Him for His answers. If you do this, you will experience God’s peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will keep your thoughts and your hearts quiet and at rest as you trust in Christ Jesus.”

Today, being stuck on the ship, was a complete and utter joke. And by that, I mean it sucked. If you’re the slave, monkey on a string, robot, yes man kind of person – then I highly recommend you consider a career change and take up my job. Let me tell you something, which I’m sure you all know. I am not. I subscribe to a higher intelligence. And while the world does need those kind of people, I’m not one of them. I’ve learned to be one in certain circumstances and when the time calls for it. But I just can’t do it all the time. I can’t. I can’t swallow it 100% of the time. Sometimes I just get to that point where I’ve had enough of the injustices and can no longer swallow the BS that’s being forced down my throat. Today was one of those days. Was it all that bad? Maybe not, but it’s a whatever.

The vast majority of us were immediately told to go change into our “dirty”, “painting” uniforms. These uniforms are the same as others. They still cost good money. But if you’ve been unfortunate enough to end up in my delightful apartment, then you’re obligated to keep a uniform that’s strictly used for dirtier jobs. There’s a lot of them. It’s almost like the show sometimes, just not even remotely as fun. In fact it’s usually quite the opposite. You just grudgingly accept your fate and try to get through it. ‘Making the best of it’ is not even an appropriate expression. The amount of stupidity that myself and my colleagues are required to suffer through prevents you from doing that.

Anyways. We were told rotations would take place about every hour and a half. Now, if you believe that I’ll tell you another. However, that’s what I’m told. So that’s what I’m going to hold you to, even if I don’t think you’ll follow through on it. I’m very big on that. If I’m told something, then I expect it. I don’t do that so much in my current job because there have just been one too many letdowns, however, I still try to apply it when I can, especially if it works to my benefit. Does that sound that terrible? Eh, maybe. I don’t think so.

Well, I got out there up on this precarious machine painting the sides of the ship at about 8AM with another guy, and we went strong until about 11:30/12:00PM. I had requested a rotation a little earlier. For one, it should have taken place without my asking. Secondly, I was starting to get all around irritated and hungry as well. So, some guys came back from lunch finally, and we swapped out.

I was initially told to be back at 1PM, but upon returning, I was told I didn’t need to be back until 2:45PM. In theory, that sounds great. However, I knew better. I glanced up at the work the other two nubs had done, and I was pretty angry, actually. They barely moved a foot. I knew if the work we supposedly had to get done in order to be finished for the day was actually going to be completed, I had to step up and get back to painting. So, I did that around 1:30PM.

Let me tell you something, I stayed in that machine for about another three to three and a half hours. It got to the point, however, that I knew what we needed to get done was not going to be finished by sundown. And ya know what else? I was done. Enough was enough. I don’t mind working. And I don’t mind working hard when it calls for it. BUT – I do not like being take advantage of. And unfortunately, in my job, and not just my department, this is how it works. It does not pay to work harder. Not one little bit. Sounds absurd, right? Think again. I’ll tell you why. The harder you work, the more they work you because they know you’ll work and get the job done. If you work less, and don’t work as hard, they use you less and just give you bogus jobs. You want to find that happy medium. Work enough and get your stuff done so the man stays off your back, but don’t’ work too hard or you’re headed towards straight up slavery. It’s such backwards, reverse thinking and absolutely stupid. I’m aware of this. But look at my occupation. Need I say more?

So, at this point, it was dinner time. I was hungry and tired and over it. I put my foot on the pedal and took us down. My partner questioned me, but I ignored his protests and proceeded towards ground. Upon stepping off, I walked up towards the little boy in charge and told him that I was done. I stated that there were too many people standing around for him to not be following the intended rotational plan. Being the little boy that he is, at 20 years of age, he wanted to prove that he was the in charge, so he responded with a question, “Are you telling me or are you requesting?” Well, I pick my battles and I’ve told this guy off before, so I took the surer route and said, “Ok, I’m requesting.” Don’t worry, I put a face on and made it as sarcastic as I could. He can have those small victories. He needs the ego boost. I’m the true victor there.

I got my way and screwed around for the rest of the day, but still took care of some little odd jobs. Found out later that one of the heads of my department, a fairly unintelligent specimen, asked why I wasn’t up there painting anymore. My previous partner told him that he wasn’t sure, that I had just quit. The boss replied with, “Well…..that’s just how Powell is sometimes. Shoot, he probably worked harder than any one of these guys out here today. So screw it. One day, you’ll understand.” Made my day and I laughed it up. I changed some of the obscenities in there that were actually used, but you get the idea. Haha. That little man boy really couldn’t say anything now. Point – me.

Hawai'i has been amazing. It’s been like a vacation out here. We get put on slave watch once every 4 days, but other than that my free time is my own. I’m definitely making the most of it and good ol’ A-ron has been helping me do so. He knew a lot of great spots because he was here for his honeymoon, so that’s really come in handy.

First day, me and my buddy just got a hotel room and hung out in downtown Hawaii. Had a few drinks, wandered a bit. Ultimately, not really where we wanted to be. Our true objective was to acquire a car. We were just having a hard time doing so. It’s middle of the summer plus there are lots of other things going on. The hotel was more than we wanted to pay, but we had checked a lot and they all were booked. Eventually, we just had to settle and take the one we had found.

The next day was slow, and we spent the whole morning and a small portion of the afternoon waiting around on a car rental place for someone to return one. It was the best price we had found and the only one with even the promise of cars. Everything was yet again, booked. After waiting and waiting, we finally got our car and rented it out for the week. Totally worth it and a necessity in my opinion.

Since then, we’ve been having straight fun. Snorkeling has been great. We’ve spent a lot of our time up at North Shore. We snorkeled at 3 Tables and Shark’s Cove twice now. We’ve also snorkeled up at Turtle Bay. 3 Tables and surrounding areas are much more colorful and you get a much larger variety in fish. Turtle Bay as could be expected allowed us to see more sea turtles. Swimming amongst sea turtles is an amazing experience. They’re such peaceful creatures, and I’ve come across some really large ones. It’s really neat to watch them come up for air and see their heads poke up out of the water.

While snorkeling up at Turtle Bay, we stopped on the sand for a little bit because one of my friends spotted some coconuts in a nearby tree. He was intent on getting some. The only issue there was that he acted purely as the spotter. When push to came to shove, I climbed up the tree barefoot like a true native and managed to knock 3 coconuts down. It wasn’t the most comfortable thing to do without shoes or any clothing on besides board shorts, but I accomplished the mission. Fortunately, it wasn’t too high. High, but not unattainable height.

The only downfall here was that only one of the coconuts was large and ripe enough to eat. After banging around on rocks like apes and using a knife here and there, we finally got into it and shared the sweet milk within. We then cracked it open and enjoyed the coconut meat. Worth it.

From there, we started to make our return swim to where we started and ran into some other buddies of ours that we had told to meet us there earlier. We swam for a bit more, and then packed up the cars to go get some food. 9I needed something good. A-ron came through again and recommended a great restaurant. I went with the fish of the day, which happened to be a Thai snapper. They serve the whole fish and it’s definitely got some flavor. I’d go there again. Overall, great day.

The next day was dedicated to hiking. Oh, and what a hike it was. I must say, I’ve hiked a pretty decent amount throughout my life (in my opinion), but I think this was one of the more strenuous hikes I’ve done. We were fortunate enough to even find the place.

We ended up at this cattle ranch, at least that’s what I think it was. All kinds of people were there checking out what they had for sale and going on tours and things like that. We talked to a few people about a certain mountain we had researched the night before. After finally locating someone who actually knew what we were talking about, we were informed that we could not hike the mountain because it was owned by the ranch. The two women seemed very suspicious both myself and my friends, and I’m inclined to believe that they were just trying to keep the haoles out. Who knows.

Fortunately, some locals were doing some manual labor for the place and overheard that we were looking to do some hiking. They beckoned us over and informed us of a spot fairly close by. Awesome. My friends and I jumped in the car and without too much difficulty located the area the locals were talking about. After pulling over to the side of the road, we loaded up our gear, changed clothes, and set out on the hike.

Now, originally, we were intending to stay out for the night. I was slightly disinclined to believe that would ever come to fruition from the start, but I was still excited at the prospect of doing so. Well, we soon came to the conclusion that it probably wasn’t going to happen. No problem. All that did was lighten our load.

I thoroughly enjoyed that hike. The views it provided were insane. Absolutely breathtaking. And I don’t use that word often. Lugging around my camera was well worth it. In all honesty, it’s hardly lugging. Sure, I carry around all my other lenses which increases the weight and is probably unnecessary (I just like to be prepared), but my older brother definitely steered me in the right direction with a micro four thirds over a digital SLR. Besides, I really enjoy dabbling in photography.

Getting up on the peaks of those mountains was incredible. I mean, we were literally trekking on these extremely narrow, precarious pathways from peak to peak. One wrong step could have sent us right over the side. Fortunately for us, we all made it down to the bottom in one piece, though not without a little difficulty.

We had set our hearts on finding this waterfall and someone had told us we were close, but I think they were being generous with their time estimation of arrival. All we were doing was continuing to go up and over. It got to the point where we decided with hesitation that we should be turning around.

We encountered some rain on our descent. After all, it’s the summer in Hawai’i and hurricane season as well. Nothing too serious, though. Problems arose when our leader unintentionally took us off the main path and straight into the heart of the jungle. In all seriousness, it was some pretty heavy bush. The going was slow and everything was wet, which only made going down even more treacherous.

My buddies had stopped to attempt to retrieve a pineapple from a nearby tree, but I had other things in mind. I was done with that mess and wanted nothing else than to get back to the actually hiking trail. Everyone shot down my suggestions to climb up through the woods in order to get to the nearest peak, but it looked to me like it could be done. I went with my gut and ignored them. I started climbing up the nearest side, up through the forest and all of its snares and entanglements. My companions would yell up from time to time to check on my progress. I’m not saying it was the easiest thing, but I got out of those woods and back on that trail. And it was glorious. With a little encouragement and voice commands, I helped navigate the rest of the group up to my position. Everyone was relieved.

The most ironic thing about that, is my sense of direction on roadways is the absolutely worst. I get yelled at about it from time to time. I think there should be a little leeway there, though. I mean, when you’re driving and your co-pilot is constantly giving you directions and telling you where to go, there’s not much thinking required on your part. So, I’m not retaining much there. Regardless, I guess my forest sense is a little better. Or maybe I got lucky. Either way, it was a small victory.

Upon returning to ground level, we were all pretty exhausted. Not to mention soaked in sweat. I was ready to get out of those clothes. Before we went anywhere, I insisted everyone wait for me to go jump in the nearby bay. 5 minutes was all I needed. I felt refreshed and revived. In my opinion, failure to accompany me was their own loss. Day well spent.

My first ‘vacation’ in Hawai’i is soon coming to an end. I’ll be returning to the ship tomorrow (7/7/14). Most people will be off, but unfortunately I have work. Oh well, it was a good run. I thoroughly enjoyed myself. Aside from spending time with my younger brother in California, this has been some of the most enjoyable and memorable times in my current job. I’m optimistic and hopeful that there will be more to come during the approaching months.

The only real issues I faced here were continuously applying sunblock, which ultimately proved ineffective, and water in my ears. The latter eventually caused ear infections in both of my ears. I just couldn’t get it out. I was banging my ahead around like I was at a rock concert and probably looked like a moron. I tried all kinds of home remedies. Everything. Nothing worked. Eventually I was forced to go to the medical staff, at which point they informed me of the ear infections and told me to stop putting stuff in my ears. Ha, they got me there.

Returning to the vessel means its back to dealing with idiots for more hours in a day than I care to count. It is what it is. Port calls and falling into routines will help get me through it. I’ll have some good days and some bad days, but I’ll survive. I’m still trying to get out of my current department, and I’m still failing to do so. Maybe the results that come out in another 10 days will prove me wrong. Fingers crossed.

Going to be a while before I get another post out. I know it’s been quite some time, but I just really didn’t have anything inspiring. Hawai’i provided me with adventure. Hope you enjoyed.

-Jeff

A Passionate Discovery

And here’s a typical blog opener from me - I know. It’s been a while since I’ve written anything. I won’t make excuses. It just hasn’t been a priority, though I’ve thought about doing it for some time. Just haven’t gotten around to it. So here it goes.

The job has been ok. I was working in a different department for over 3 months. That was a nice break, a nice change. Getting treated like a 7 year old instead of a 4 year old makes a big difference. Hours were long, but I had some decent breaks, so I managed to get my workouts and studying Chinese in during a lot of them. Originally, I had just read during my breaks and would end up falling asleep. I soon learned to utilize my time more wisely. All my co-workers usually just slept. I’ll sleep when I’m dead.

About a week and a half ago or so, I reluctantly talked to my original department heads since technically it was time for me to return. I had intentionally gone over my required time away just because I was trying to avoid going back. However, I got sick of it. The long hours, dealing with another form of idiots and stupidity, and just the gig overall. It was time for a change. Going back to what I was doing before is still a change from any current circumstances. Not the most ideal change, but what can you do? Hoping this is my month that I’ll finally get a REAL position in another field.

The hours are now longer than they used to be and most days me and my fellow co-workers are kept there just to be kept there. It’s one big power struggle and spitting contest with no rhyme or reason. That’s probably what bothers me the most – the lack of logic. People see this in me. I’ve been told numerous times, which makes it all the more frustrating, that I’m too smart for this or don’t need this. And you know what? Arrogance aside, I agree with them. I’ve got to choke that down on a daily basis and just deal with it.

However, recently, I’ve decided to maintain a new mindset and attitude. I can sum up that mentality in a few words, ‘I don’t care’. It’s hard to uphold at times and don’t misunderstand me. I care, just not in some ways. For example, they want to keep me there for stupidity? Go ahead. Whatever. Want to assign me stupid, worthless, mundane tasks? Go ahead. Whatever. Want to force me to work under a completely and utterly useless regime of morons? That’s fine too. And do you know why? In the end, I’m going to win. I’m going to get out of this department. I’m going to do well and thrive in whatever environment you place me in. I’m going to succeed. I’m going to move on to bigger and better things when all is said and done. I’m going to constantly and consistently work towards improving myself in various ways. So you can force me down or do your best to do so. It’s only going to work so long. I try to keep just a better, happier attitude. And trust me, I’m forced to swallow so much BS on a regular basis. It’s enough to make anyone full. All in good time. All in good time.

A little while back, you may have seen a picture I posted. I was at Ocean Beach with some friends in an attempt to go check out some sea caves on a kayak adventure. Well, the first problem with that is – winter swell. The waves tend to be much better on the West Coast year round. In the winter, however, they’re massive. I had known this going in, and yet it all still seemed like a good idea to me. After all, I was the person who came up with the idea to go kayaking in the first place. Following that stroke of brilliance, it was just a matter of rallying others to my cause.

Out of the four of us, only two, including myself, had even been kayaking before. I was the only person that had been ocean kayaking before. Off to a great start. Nonetheless, I felt confident. At least in my own capabilities. I figured the rest could just follow along and learn as they went.

Well, we packed up foods and snacks for the trip. I had zip lock bags for phones and my camera and any other electronics that might accompany us. Why? I don’t know. In hindsight, bringing electronics of any sort once we saw what the conditions were like was completely moronic.

Upon arrival, one kid was freaking out at the size of the waves. Having been out there often with my little brother, I still wasn’t bothered by this. I remained calm and shot down any talk of deviance. With a little guidance and a little luck, we found the shop we were looking for and proceeded to rent out two kayaks. The option to ride single wasn’t available and this was the only game in town.

Immediately following the transaction, a deep and foreboding fog set in. This only created more hysteria. I continued to exude confidence, even excitement. We picked up the boats, and made our way down to launch off the beach, right by the pier. It was gray and eerie, but that only heightened my own personal enthusiasm. It was like something out of a movie. You couldn’t even see half way down the pier looking out at the ocean. There was virtually no one in the water, aside from a lonely surfer here and there, which couldn’t even been seen from shore.

A couple of lifeguards spotted our kayaks and drove up to us in their vehicle. To sum it up, they recommended that we not go out and that should something happen, they would not be able to do anything for us. I remained unmoved. To their warnings, I nonchalantly replied, “We can swim.” After that, they left us to fate.

More dissension. I took charge and persuaded everyone to stay the course and convinced them we’d be fine. Although, I confess, I had very little confidence in the second kayak. The two of them chose to remain together, but both possessed zero experience and one had openly admitted his own fear of the ocean.

For whatever reason, we all kept our phones on us and utilized the zip lock bags. We kept our food and drinks with us as well. I was the only one even in a bathing suit. Getting out was a challenge all on its own.

With low tide, we had to carry the kayaks and carefully tread over hazardous rocks. One wrong step could have easily caused an injury. With waves continuously crashing in, my partner and I formulated a plan to slip in between some rocks down a natural canal-like passage. We timed it so that the water was fairly flat and assisted in pulling us out. We instructed the others to watch us and do as we did.

Well, we paddled straight out over the waves and hit them head on. That’s the best way to do it. The only way to do it. We were soaked within minutes, but pressed on. The two of us enjoyed it. I felt alive. People watched from the shore as we continued on our perilous journey. Others peered from the top of the pier in horror, pointing and joining others in the spectacle. We kept going. I was in the back and I’ll tell you, that was the better position to be in. My buddy was getting dropped in the front. We were racing out to beat as many waves that we could from crashing down before we reached them. This resulted in the boat slamming down in the front after falling down from the back side peak of the waves.

We hadn’t finished getting out entirely, but we reached what I’ll refer to as a safe zone. We were fairly far out there and in between the breaking of waves. Problem was, we couldn’t see the other guys at all and began to worry about them. My partner was more worried than I was, so I asked if him if he thought we should turn around and go check on them. He agreed that we should.

Now, I saw that the wave had already broke. All that remained was whitewash rushing towards us. If caught sideways, we were done for. I decided to go for it and started to paddle alone. My buddy realized shortly later that we were going for it and joined in the fight. It was too late. We weren’t fast enough. The wave caught us and carelessly flipped us over. Fortunately, we had life vests on. There was no way we were going to make it to the boat, but I grabbed the paddles and my buddy grabbed our gear. He swam in with it one handed while I struggled towards shore with the two paddles. It took a while, but we eventually made it in.

The other group had capsized twice and had barely gotten out at all. They were dealing with their own issues when they finally glimpsed the two of us fighting to get out. Initially, the one kid was struck with fear upon seeing our kayak come floating in upside down, the passengers nowhere to be seen.

When it was all said and done, everyone was pretty banged up and we all had our own cuts and bruises – battle wounds. One phone was lost to sea. One survived. Two had to be placed in rice, including my own. Mine was essentially the only one that didn’t make it. I was fortunate enough to get it replaced a few days later with no charge. The one that was lost to sea turned up about a week later. The mother of that guy had called the phone and a homeless man had answered it. Kind of comical. That man and the owner of the phone eventually met up and he got his phone back. Amazing.

Using my powers of persuasion and argumentative abilities, I even managed to get us our money back on the kayak rentals. Believe it or not, that all took place within about 15-20 minutes so we were barely out there. Had I been more prepared, wetsuit and all, I would have stayed out there because the majority of us ultimately decided it was pretty awesome.

I ignored all the warnings...

Now recently, I had a sort of epiphany. Prior to present day, I’ve never really felt like I’ve had any passions in my life. Interests? I’ve got more than I can keep track of. But passions, I’ve been without. This simple fact is why I’ve made many of the decisions in my life and in a sense is how I ended up where I am.

I was walking back the other night from my daily escape habitat – one of the recreational spots where I can snag Wi-Fi. I don’t remember what led me to this thought, but suddenly, I realized that I finally had passion in my life. I almost came to tears because I was so thankful at this discovery. My life now feels like it has a little more meaning and purpose.

I’ve learned that studying Chinese and becoming fluent is no longer just a hobby or something that I feel like I should do. It’s in fact, a passion of mine. I thoroughly enjoy it. It’s actually on the verge of obsession. What else can I say? I’m passionate about it. It’s my primary goal. If I could spend my days just studying Chinese, I would. I get lax at times, but that’s just a natural motivational struggle. I continue to study every day and I feel like something is missing should I happen to miss it even for a single day.

I’ve also concluded that photography has become another passion of mine. It’s become a bigger and bigger part of my life, especially with my recent upgrade and dealing with interchangeable lenses and all that jazz. I’m not always as inspired as I am on some days, but I’m always looking and thinking about what can make an interesting shot and where to shoot next. It’s just something that’s on my mind.

I’ve decided that my love for animals and nature as a whole is yet another passion of mine. I constantly yearn to be outside and around nature - away from all the buildings and people and cars and city life. I want to be in the fresh, open air. I want to be free. I want to help protect animals from all the evils and corruption of human beings. I have no idea if I will be given that opportunity or what will happen in regards to doing such.

I think it’s going to be very interesting to see how these different passions of mine develop and come together in the future, and to see how I use them. Or maybe how they use me.

Until next time.

-Jeff

Time - Not On Our Side

I’m sitting in the rec center, as usual, but you should see me. I’m walking around with bread, peanut butter, and jelly in my back pack. So I’m sitting in the corner, making a damn sandwich. This is my solution to buying out. It’s quite the scene.

If you think that’s weird, just the other day, I witnessed an older guy at work mixing his Cheetos with yogurt…Rather odd, if you ask me. He was Asian too. Not really helping my case.

Still plugging away at work. One day at a time. Scratch that. One hour at a time. Ok, it’s not THAT bad. As stated before, my new, temporary ‘department’ is a hell of a lot better than what I was dealing with before. And the good thing about this temporary position is that my hard work gets noticed. My work is not demanding at all right now, but when there’s something to get done, I can be counted on to get it done. And my boss knows that.

This one kid was really annoying me for a while because he has no work ethic. Can’t separate down time from work time. Disappears often and doesn’t contribute a whole lot. I had a couple arguments before I gave it up. My boss knows I’m right, but he gets equally as tired of dealing with him as I do. I’ve gone volcano on him before. You know what I mean. You’re doing your thing, but this other thing is just eating you up and bothering you like no other before you finally explode. Maybe you don’t. But I get that sometimes. Working on it.

Now, I just ignore him for the most part. I do my thing. If that means me doing the majority of the work, so be it. I can’t be bothered. Rather just get it done and move on. If he can still get a good night’s sleep after not putting forth an honest day’s work, good for him. Working on worrying about myself. I’m the go to guy, and that’s reward enough.

The problem is, I still have that rebellious side to me. It’s not going away. It’s a part of me. So I refuse to accept the standard BS answer that people like to give you and say, ‘That’s just the way it is.’ Bullshit. That’s the way it is because no one wants to do anything to change it and most people just accept that answer, rather than make any kind of attempt to change it. I shut up from time to time, but I make waves when I can. Someone needs to. I will continue to undermine and question illogical authority until I’m old and gray.

Once again, like always, I find myself in a situation that seems and in reality is just temporary. That being said, I feel like I’m in another purgatory. I’m afraid to make big moves. I feel like those big moves will only slow my progress in the future, i.e. getting a car, my own place, or anything of any substantial value. All that will just complicate things when it comes time for me to leave and move on, which will happen sooner than later. I feel like I’m always in this position. It sucks.

I suppose this is the price you pay for always moving around. The sad part is, I still have plans to do so after my current situation ends. I’ve got a while, but nonetheless. I wanted experience over money and materials. I guess I’m getting that. And everything that goes with it.

I manage to stay busy, though. Take for example the other day. I was up at 335, worked till 8 AM. During work, I had already taken care of my laundry. Just had to go collect it and fold it afterwards. Following work, I went to the gym, then took a shower and cleaned up. I took care of all this before it was even 10 AM. In one sense, that’s awesome. In another, it’s just like what the hell.

My free time is so precious that I’ve got to constantly multi task. When work falls on a gym day, I’ll go on break and get a shower in as well. Do you think I like doing that? No way. I would much rather read, relax, and nap. My only other alternative is taking care of that stuff after work.

Well most of my days start at 4 AM and I get out at 6 PM. That’s a long day, even with breaks. The last thing I want to do is stick around there, see the people I’ve seen all day, and limit my own ‘free time’. The only way to maximize my time is to take care of all those things during work so I can just jet out afterwards. And with a 4 AM start, I have to be back by 10 PM at the latest so I can actually get some sleep.

Typically I’m working with between five and six hours of sleep. I’ll get naps in if I can during those breaks. They’re unintentional, though. I usually go and read, but end up falling asleep. I’ll wake up again, read a few lines or a few pages, fall back asleep, and continue this cycle until my alarm goes off. What a day.

I miss not knowing what anyone was saying because I didn’t understand the language. Ignorance is bliss. At least in that, I don’t have to hear all the negative garbage that spews from people’s mouths. I’ve completely lost faith in humanity. I probably never really had much, but being around some of these people all day – it gets to you. I just can’t believe how people think, act, and speak.

Of course, I’ve known this. But again, now I’m exposed to it all the time, daily. I’ll tell you, though. I can’t fathom it. I’m just speaking in generalities because the specifics are countless. Makes you wonder how much good is actually out there in the world. A very small amount, methinks.

I’ve missed the changing of the seasons out here. Autumn, one of my favorites. I would have loved to see the changing of the leaves and enjoyed some of the other comforts that Fall offers. Cider, fresh cider donuts, seasonal beers, the hikes with the views, the warm days and cooler nights, being comfortable in jeans and a t-shirt, and just the overall feel. I don’t even watch football, but it was nice to see it on TV with it giving me that Fall sense.

We had a few, I won’t say rainy, but almost rainy and grey sky days. I have to say. I appreciated them. It was nice just to have something different for a change. Oddly enough, I might even be looking forward to the cold. It seems unlikely, though. I think my judgment is just clouded right now. I’ll probably feel differently once I’m in it.

I think I want to just go around the world, dabble in some photography and write about my experiences. Is there a job like this? Can I make it one? How would I go about doing this? I would love to know.

I’ll tell you one thing I’m sick of, though. Rushing. I’m always rushing. I get up at 340, I’m rushing to get down to work by 4. I’m rushing to complete my workout during my break if it falls on a gym day. I’m rushing shower after work, then rushing to walk over to one of the places where I can snag wifi in order to maximize my free time. I’m then rushing back to maximize my sleep time which is more often than not lacking. Rushing, rushing, rushing. I'm a Rushin' American'.

From The Depths

I’ve wanted to write about my experience in this chapter of my life for a while now. So, I’ve finally decided to do it. I expect entries to only occur once in a while. For all intent purposes, I’m going to keep it as anonymous as possible for obvious reasons.

It’s interesting. Years ago, I planned on making a move out here to California. That was before China, and it never materialized. Turned out to be another one of my big ideas that faded as time passed. And yet, here I am. This, however, was not how I envisioned being here. But nonetheless, I’m here.

To be brutally honest, I’ve been fairly miserable since I’ve been out here, at least during the normal working hours. I’ve become a person that lives for the weekends and just getting out of work every day. How sad. The worst part about that is I’ve only been out here for a few months. And in that short time frame, I’ve managed to discover why I never became a part of this before.

Every day has been a battle of some sorts. Most were the same. Every day was a struggle. I despise 90% of the people I personally work with, and on top of that I dislike about 95% of the people in this job as a whole. The people you work with can have a strong effect on your day entirely.

If you know me at all, you know I have a strong policy when it comes to sheer stupidity. Zero. Zero tolerance. I know what you’re thinking, I’m in the wrong place. You’re right. To a certain degree. We’ll come back to that topic later, though.

Back to what I was saying, every day was a struggle. I sleep in the Arctic Circle, so right off the bat I’m miserable. I keep chicken and an assortment of other meats in my locker, and they stay frozen. Alright, I’m being dramatic, but it’s pretty fricken close. I’m up before the sun is out. More misery. I’m surrounded by morons. More misery. The food is terrible. More misery. I work with some really stupid people, and I’m surrounded by these people and the stupidity they bring to the table more often than not. That is followed by laziness and illogical reasoning. I find myself wondering, am I really that smart? The answer is quite simply, no. I’m intelligent, sure, but not as intelligent as I’m made out to be in my work environment. They are just that dumb. I’ve known this for quite some time, and my time here has only solidified the belief that most people are idiots. There’s no other word for it. OK, that’s a lie. There are many words for it. I’m just going to hold my tongue and restrain my fingers from typing them out.

Every day I got out of work was a relief. A weight lifted off my shoulders. A temporary stress relief. I say temporary because I knew I only had a short time to escape my prison. Every night, I would reason things out and ask for patience, wisdom, endurance, and whatever else I thought necessary to get me through another day. Despite it all, ultimately I’m aware that I am here for a reason. What that reason is, I don’t know. It may be a long time until I do.

Maturity is a pain in the ass. I’ve acknowledged that I have a lot to work on, and many lessons to learn. Some of those lessons are harder to drive into my thick skull.

You might be asking yourself, why did you take on this new job? What did you expect? Well, for that I have no answer. But I didn’t expect this. Like anything in life, it requires time. So that is what I’m doing for now – biding my time until I shift into another department.

The good news is, I’m currently working in another department. Temporarily. It was sort of designed as punishment in one way, in some sense. Regardless, it’s a reward for me, and I’m very thankful. Some people sincerely dislike the ‘work’ I now do. Not me. I love it. For the pure fact that I loathe my previous department. From the bottom of my heart, I want nothing to do with that department.

There are a select few that I can tolerate, and a very small portion of those tolerable that I like. From that group, there are even less that I have hung out with or would hang out with after work. The feeling is mutual. Most don’t care for me either. I don’t blame them. I keep to myself, I separate myself from them, and I don’t hang out with them. I don’t think or act like them. I pride myself on all those factors.

The people that I enjoy being around during working hours usually end up being fond of me as well. I suppose I possess some level of charm that eventually breaks down their initial opinions and in the end wins them over. At least to some degree. As for the people I dislike, which is the majority, well they eventually learn to dislike me as well. That’s not a coincidence. I’d like to keep it that way.

Seems I can be a genuine lone wolf at times. I don’t mind it. China helped me in that sense.

Since we’ve breached that subject, let’s take it a bit further. I sincerely miss China. My time was up there, that’s certain. But I do miss it. In case you were wondering, I’ve maintained my studies on a fairly consistent and daily basis. I don’t even know why I continue to pursue fluency. I have no reason. I just feel like I should. Nay, I need to. I’m convinced that China or something Chinese related will be present in my future be it near or far.

I’m not looking for sympathy through sharing this. It’s really just a way for me to vent and express myself on paper. I know it will get better. I know that anything worth waiting for doesn’t come easy and that no one ever guaranteed that life would be easy. In fact, you can almost certainly claim the opposite of that. Life is difficult and there are plenty of challenges that we all must face at one time or another. Some worse than others.

Oddly enough, I deal with so many flat out scumbags no better than the dirt on my shoe that when confronted with some who appears genuinely kind, it throws me completely off. Take for example the other day. I was working, just going through typical, mundane duties. Nothing real challenging or difficult. Out of nowhere, one kid sitting down had actually offered to help move some things. I was flabbergasted. I even said to the guy, ‘Ya know, I’m so used to dealing with a%#holes that I don’t even know how to react when somebody acts otherwise.’ It's amazing how far some kind words can go. Ironically, later on in the day, I discovered he was just another person I didn’t care for, but still. Point is, genuine kindness is rare.

You think that I’m exaggerating when I discuss the majority of people in such a negative sense, but the facts speak for themselves. I witness it regularly.

And I’m not trying to come off all high and mighty either. I know I have countless flaws, but at the very least I have morals. Most of the people I’m around do not. And if they ever did, they were quick to drop them to fall among the herd with the rest of the cattle. I might even go as far as saying that my worst friend is better than most of the people I’m around.

Anyways, I’m doing better. I try to tell myself it’s going to be a good day in the morning before I have to deal with any bullsh*t, which is less frequent now.

The beach and the gym have been my main stress relievers. The oceans have a comforting way about them. Rough or calm. Swimming in them or just watching waves roll in.